DAY 36 - Because You Were Focused on Them, You Could Never Activate You

Let’s have an honest conversation about something we all experience but rarely talk about: the silent sacrifice of self. It’s a narrative that’s been ingrained in us from a young age, especially for those of us who’ve been taught to be caregivers, nurturers, and supporters. We’re often told that our value lies in how much we can give to others, how well we can support those around us, and how selfless we can be. And so, we spend our lives pouring out everything we have into other people’s cups, thinking that’s what makes us worthy. But in the process, we end up running on empty.

How many of us have spent years, even decades, prioritizing everyone else’s needs above our own? We’ve been taught that putting ourselves first is selfish, that it’s noble to sacrifice our dreams for the sake of others, that our worth is somehow tied to how much we can give. But here’s the truth that no one tells you: When you spend all your time focused on them, you lose yourself in the process. You lose sight of your own dreams, your own goals, your own sense of who you are. And without even realizing it, you’ve sidelined the most important person in your life—you.

Let’s unpack this a little. Why do we do this? Why do we so often place ourselves on the back burner? Part of it is societal conditioning. We’re raised to believe that our value is measured by how much we can give to others, that being selfless is the ultimate virtue. We’re told that if we’re good partners, friends, parents, or employees, we’ll find happiness through the happiness of others. But that’s not how it works, is it? Because what happens when you give and give and give, and there’s nothing left for you? What happens when you’ve spent so much time focused on them that you don’t even recognize yourself anymore?

It’s a slow burn, this kind of self-abandonment. It doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process, one where you slowly start to dim your own light in order to let others shine. You tell yourself it’s just temporary, that you’ll get back to your own dreams once things settle down. But things never really settle down, do they? There’s always someone else who needs you, another fire to put out, another person to please. And before you know it, years have gone by, and you’re left wondering where the time went and why you feel so unfulfilled.

But here’s where it gets really complicated—because even when we recognize this pattern, we’re often too scared to break it. Why? Because we fear what will happen if we start to focus on ourselves. We fear the backlash, the judgment, the guilt. We’ve been so conditioned to believe that focusing on ourselves is wrong, that the very idea of putting ourselves first feels like a betrayal. We worry that if we stop being everything to everyone else, they’ll leave, or they’ll think less of us, or they’ll stop needing us altogether. And for so long, we’ve defined ourselves by being needed by others.

But here’s the reality check: You cannot fully show up for others if you’re not first showing up for yourself. When you neglect your own needs, when you ignore your own dreams, when you silence your own voice, you’re not just doing a disservice to yourself—you’re doing a disservice to everyone around you. Because you cannot pour from an empty cup. You cannot give what you don’t have. And if you’re running on fumes, eventually, you’re going to break down.

This is where the journey to self-activation begins. It starts with a shift in mindset, with the realization that taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s necessary. It’s about understanding that you have just as much right to your own time, your own energy, and your own dreams as anyone else. It’s about recognizing that your life is your own, and you deserve to live it fully, without guilt, without shame, and without apology.

But this journey isn’t easy. It’s messy, it’s uncomfortable, and it’s going to require you to confront some hard truths. You’re going to have to look at the ways in which you’ve been holding yourself back, the ways in which you’ve been prioritizing everyone else over yourself, and the ways in which you’ve been complicit in your own self-abandonment. And that’s not an easy thing to do. It’s going to bring up feelings of guilt, shame, and fear. But it’s also going to bring up something else—something powerful. It’s going to bring up a deep, undeniable desire to reclaim your life, to take back your power, and to start living on your own terms.

So, where do you start? You start by setting boundaries—clear, firm boundaries that protect your time, your energy, and your well-being. You start by saying “no” when you mean it, by recognizing that it’s okay to disappoint others if it means honoring yourself. You start by making time for your own dreams, your own passions, and your own needs. You start by listening to your own voice, the one that’s been silenced for so long, and you start trusting that voice again.

And as you do this, something incredible begins to happen. You start to feel a shift. You start to feel lighter, more energized, more alive. You start to reconnect with the parts of yourself that you’ve neglected for so long. You start to remember what it feels like to dream, to hope, to strive for something that’s just for you. And that feeling—it’s intoxicating. It’s empowering. It’s transformative.

But don’t expect everyone to understand. Some people will push back, some will criticize, and some might even walk away. But that’s okay. The people who truly love you, who truly want what’s best for you, will support you in this journey. They’ll understand that you need to focus on yourself in order to be the best version of you, for you and for them. And the ones who don’t understand? Well, maybe it’s time to reevaluate those relationships. Because if someone only values you for what you can do for them, then they’re not truly valuing you.

This is your life. You only get one. And it’s too precious to spend it living for someone else. You have dreams that deserve to be pursued, passions that deserve to be explored, and a purpose that deserves to be fulfilled. But none of that can happen if you’re constantly focused on them, on their needs, on their happiness. You have to turn that focus inward, to activate yourself, to become the person you were always meant to be.

And let me tell you this: When you finally do activate yourself, when you finally start living for you, everything changes. Your relationships become more authentic, because you’re no longer afraid to be yourself. Your work becomes more meaningful, because you’re no longer just going through the motions. Your life becomes richer, fuller, more vibrant, because you’re finally living in alignment with your true self.

So don’t be afraid to take that first step. Don’t be afraid to put yourself first. Don’t be afraid to activate you. Because you deserve it. You deserve to live a life that’s fully yours, a life that’s not defined by how much you can give to others, but by how fully you can live for yourself. You deserve to shine, to thrive, to be everything you were meant to be. And the only way to do that is to stop focusing on them, and start focusing on you.

This is your moment. This is your time. So take it. Embrace it. Live it. Because when you activate yourself, when you truly step into your power, there’s nothing you can’t do. There’s no dream you can’t achieve, no goal you can’t reach, no life you can’t live. And that’s a beautiful, powerful, unstoppable thing.